Saturday, April 16, 2011

No One's Got Talent!

Oh good, they're back! Apparently, it's time for another round of that same show where those different celebrity panelists critique (judge) the hopeful (deluded) denizens of Celeb-Culture-Land on their attempts at singing or dancing or singing again, with all the perspective of a blind nazi and all the originality of a pear. I'm talking, of course, of pseudo-reality 'talent' shows, made popular some years back by Simon Cowell and some other cunts.

The formula is simple: pretty people with good voices get glamourised further, ugly people get mocked relentlessly, and if you happen to be ugly but slightly talented, you get your own little segment and possibly a slot on Oprah. Bitchin'. These days, the show is the career which, while bafflingly contrary to the supposed point of the show, seems to go over the heads of most of the audience, affording it the luxury of perpetuating that insane formula season after season, spin-off after self-harm-encouraging spin-off.

A more appropriate name for "X Factor" would simply be "Ex Factor," the search for someone with the potential to fade swiftly into obscurity after the cash has been made on the show. Recent victim of destroyed childhood dreams, Joe McElderry, has reportedly just been dropped from his, evidently reality-inclined, record label for poor album sales, following on from his victory on 'X Factor' in 2009. Which is fair enough. I'd feel awkward buying an album from such a boring individual if he worked in HMV, which is an increasingly likely eventuality at this stage, let alone buy an album by him. Bland McElderry is a victim of the industry as much as his own lack of talent, likeability, personality and probably pubic hair. It's not his fault he got suddenly famous; it's the cunting public's fault for voting for him! The only thing that's his fault is his fall from grace due to his utter detestability and the self-preserving nature of Cowell's franchise; an industry based around the idea of the one hit wonder. Promote someone to prominence with such a level of oversaturation that they'll make one giant pot of cash and then discard them before they have a chance to cost you anything more by plummetting in popularity by virtue of the fact that they're completely talentless and shit.

But again, these things aren't the fault of the moronic individuals that are silly enough to think that they might 'make it' and they're not even the fault of Cowell and his likeminded cronies. It's your fault, you prick! Stop watching this shit year in, year out and they'll stop airing it. YOU'RE RUINING LIVES BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO BORED TO GET OFF YOUR COUCH AND DO SOMETHING INTERESTING (or even just to watch something good like The Wire)!!! Or else keep watching it. I don't give a shit if Joe McElderry has a shit life; he's as interesting as a grey lampshade.

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