And I mean it this time! It's gone on too long. They cost so much, my teeth and fingers are stained, I smell like crap and, to top it off, my uncle just died of lung cancer 'cos he smoked all his life. This time, I'm definitely giving up. Well, except when I'm drinking, obvs, but that doesn't count. Social smoking doesn't count.
No, not me you fuckin' goon. The above paragraph was written in the first person to show how annoying it is to hear that crap. I obviously don't smoke cos I'm obviously not a retard. That kinda shit is the crap I have to listen to all the fucking time from idiots that I know who like to pretend to themselves that they're gonna quit smoking. They don't believe it. I don't believe it. But for some reason, they keep telling me anyway, as if I'm supposed to give a shit. To be perfectly honest, for the most part, I don't give a shit if you get lung cancer from smoking. So I don't really give a shit if you quit or not. Obviously, I have a few close friends and family members that smoke who I don't want to see meet a grizzly end. But apart from those few people, I really don't care.
Part of the reason that I don't care is that, I reckon if you smoke in the first place, you're pretty much a goner anyway. Smoking cigarettes is like paying someone to punch you in the gut every day as hard as they can until it eventually kills you. Surely if you're doing something like this, your own idiocy will win out in the end and cause a stupid death, like you'll accidentally eat a marble instead of a grape and choke to death on it. Or if you're American, you'll shoot yourself in the face while trying to clean your loaded gun in the dark.
So why did you start in the first place? Cos you're a.... *and the audience chimes in* FUCKING MORON! Top four reasons I've heard when I've asked people these questions, in no particular order are, a) For something to do; b) To relieve stress; c) It looks cool; d) Dunno really.... Dya know what's a healthier, cheaper option? Pulling yourself! I'm not even being crass. Can't think of anything to do? Pull yourself! Need to relieve stress? Pull yourself! Something that looks cool? Eh.. well, you get the idea anyway.
So anyway, what I'm saying is that if you're planning on telling me that you're going to quit smoking (except of course while you're drinking or stressed or feel like a cigarette), please save us both some time and hang yourself instead. Or just don't talk to me. You'll be telling me the same thing in two weeks anyway. Also, if you're planning on 'ironically' telling me tomorrow that you're going to quit as a 'joke,' it's been done. And done. And done. So fuck off.